Sorry if this post makes you hungry.
Cookies. If you made me some, I officially love you until they're stolen from me. Probably by you. But cookies aren't just a normal gift you give just anyone. I've come up with reasons I would make cookies, and reasons The Fresh Prince [of Bel-Air] would make them. Here goes:
1. Can I? Please?
You want to do something you normally wouldn't be allowed to do. Default to bribery.
2. I want your forgiveness.
I messed up. And I can't find the words. So have some cookies.
2b. I want out.
I messed up. And I can't find the words. And this punishment I find a little excessive. Have some cookies.
3. I want your favor.
And these cookies are going to work better than cash. Mostly since I used my family's secret toll house recipe. And I know you like cookies. Everybody likes cookies.
4. I want to give you joy, then steal it out from under you!!!!
Do I need to explain? This is entertainment for me. Your sadness after I steal and eat your cookie brings a demented smile to my face. And then you realize that there are eleven more. :-)
5. I like you.
I give you these cookies to say that I enjoy our friendship. And remember, I only used one like. Strictly platonic. Now, then, if I used two...
6. I like like you.
Go on a date with me. These cookies will make you like me more, increasing my chances. And I already heard the cousin card. Not gonna work this time, girl! I have cookies!!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Liar, Liar... Stave II
Abraham lied. And we can quote it. "She is my sister." He was lucky he didn't wear pants.
Then he justifies it.Genesis 20 11 Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ 12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 13 And when God had me wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”’”
This happens twice. TWICE. Plus, this almost caused people to die. Nations. Liar, Liar, Kingdoms on Fire.
I wonder why it is confined to liars though. What about arsonists? I think their pants should catch fire. Robbers, their pockets should burn. And their pants. And those pesky Yellow Journalists, Their pants too. And Liars, can't forget them.
Wait, did I just end where I started?
Then he justifies it.Genesis 20 11 Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ 12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 13 And when God had me wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”’”
This happens twice. TWICE. Plus, this almost caused people to die. Nations. Liar, Liar, Kingdoms on Fire.
I wonder why it is confined to liars though. What about arsonists? I think their pants should catch fire. Robbers, their pockets should burn. And their pants. And those pesky Yellow Journalists, Their pants too. And Liars, can't forget them.
Wait, did I just end where I started?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Liar, Liar
Sometimes... Things blow up. We lose something precious. Our pants catch fire.
Well, I hate admitting my pants caught fire because I lied. I dropped my iPod. And I didn't report it. But that wouldn't be necessary. It usually survives.
I have never met a person who was excited about their pants catching fire. But we know that it is the direct result of being a liar. Which is a direct result of lying. That's right, l just said that. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. The only other option is that my flatus ignited, and that didn't happen. And my pants aren't on fire again.
In Numbers, 250 Levites decided to believe that they were holy to the LORD. They tried to burn incense, and they were consumed by fire. I blame the pants. But I am pretty sure they wore robes. No, it was definitely the pants.
Anyways, the lesson is that Liars shouldn't wear pants... Cause it said nothing about shorts/robes/skirts.
Wait... Scratch that, Reverse it. Pants shouldn't wear Liars.
One sec... Pant wearers shouldn't Lie.
Yeah. That must be it.
Pant Wearers shouldn't Lie.
Well, I hate admitting my pants caught fire because I lied. I dropped my iPod. And I didn't report it. But that wouldn't be necessary. It usually survives.
I have never met a person who was excited about their pants catching fire. But we know that it is the direct result of being a liar. Which is a direct result of lying. That's right, l just said that. Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire. The only other option is that my flatus ignited, and that didn't happen. And my pants aren't on fire again.
In Numbers, 250 Levites decided to believe that they were holy to the LORD. They tried to burn incense, and they were consumed by fire. I blame the pants. But I am pretty sure they wore robes. No, it was definitely the pants.
Anyways, the lesson is that Liars shouldn't wear pants... Cause it said nothing about shorts/robes/skirts.
Wait... Scratch that, Reverse it. Pants shouldn't wear Liars.
One sec... Pant wearers shouldn't Lie.
Yeah. That must be it.
Pant Wearers shouldn't Lie.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Characters
The main piece of a story is the Characters. If there aren't Characters, you have sceneries. Thus, I will create a character on this page.
Name: Ike
Reason: I like that name. Plus, he will be an ecoterrorist who guises as a recording artist.
Occupation: Aforementioned.
Type: Never takes a break from his schemes or music. He plots even while in jail. And acts.
Skills: Open-Source Virus Programming in hex code. Uses C programming code, among others.
Pitch-Perfect, Guitar and Violin. Also, can take poisonous sound waves without being affected.
Such sound waves are produced by his brother, John (after John Newton).
Fears: Carbon Tetrachloride (irrational), Tritium and other radioactive gases, losing record deal and being exported.
See, he isn't completely awesome. That would be cliche. Instead, he is a little nerdy, has irrational fears, and is driven to a pointless task by those irrational fears. If you create a 'perfect' character, he becomes a little bit blasphemous, since only the LORD is truly perfect. Your character needs internal conflict, dumb idiosyncrasies, and other pieces that make him unique. Humans are like that, why not faked characters? If you need an exaggerated example, see Wile. E. Coyote, and Adrian Monk. Both are lovable in their quirks.
Name: Ike
Reason: I like that name. Plus, he will be an ecoterrorist who guises as a recording artist.
Occupation: Aforementioned.
Type: Never takes a break from his schemes or music. He plots even while in jail. And acts.
Skills: Open-Source Virus Programming in hex code. Uses C programming code, among others.
Pitch-Perfect, Guitar and Violin. Also, can take poisonous sound waves without being affected.
Such sound waves are produced by his brother, John (after John Newton).
Fears: Carbon Tetrachloride (irrational), Tritium and other radioactive gases, losing record deal and being exported.
See, he isn't completely awesome. That would be cliche. Instead, he is a little nerdy, has irrational fears, and is driven to a pointless task by those irrational fears. If you create a 'perfect' character, he becomes a little bit blasphemous, since only the LORD is truly perfect. Your character needs internal conflict, dumb idiosyncrasies, and other pieces that make him unique. Humans are like that, why not faked characters? If you need an exaggerated example, see Wile. E. Coyote, and Adrian Monk. Both are lovable in their quirks.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Redeeming the Character
Many have looked upon themselves, and wanted to change. I've been there. I've needed to change my actions. But to change those actions permanently requires what I call 'Redeeming the Character', the being that acts, the reason I acted that way.
The best characters never start out perfect, but are riddled with flaws. They grow. But many times I had grown to selfishness, looking at only myself. All others became tools to achieve my goal in one magnitude or another. I needed to be changed. My thoughts became darker, objectified women, I destroyed and I hated, going down an endless spiral what finalizes with the end of a character. No character, only desire and despair.
One Writer saved me. Changed my surroundings to give me purpose, and returned life to a shell that was hollowing. I gained a 'face' and something to face toward, and became a character again.
The best characters never start out perfect, but are riddled with flaws. They grow. But many times I had grown to selfishness, looking at only myself. All others became tools to achieve my goal in one magnitude or another. I needed to be changed. My thoughts became darker, objectified women, I destroyed and I hated, going down an endless spiral what finalizes with the end of a character. No character, only desire and despair.
One Writer saved me. Changed my surroundings to give me purpose, and returned life to a shell that was hollowing. I gained a 'face' and something to face toward, and became a character again.
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